The Dreaded Update

Just wanted to let everyone know how things have been going the past couple days. It's a week ago today that he died. The day my dad died. I can't quite decide if it's been the fastest or the slowest week of my life, but I'm almost positive it's been the worst.

It's getting a little more believable every day. Now that the rush of people in and out of the house is starting to slow down, the phone isn't ringing quite so often, and we're not running all over the place preparing for the funeral, reality is starting to drip in through the cracks in our little walls of distractions. It's easy to compose myself when I've got other things on your mind, but when a normal day goes by and I realize that I can't call him at the end of it, that's when the wall comes down. When my car starts making noises and I can't ask him about it, or when I have a test that I complain about to him, or when Furman wins and I can't call him to ask if he was watching, that's when it gets tough. This is the first school year I've started without him asking me all about my new classes.

But we're getting stronger every day. I've finally gotten to the point where I can think about him and not get choked up. Me and Nancy can talk and joke about his corny sense of humor and his legendary childhood stories and we can actually laugh instead of just feeling robbed, although that feeling is still alive and screaming. Does it ever lay down and die? I hope so, but hope is only hope. All in all, seems like a lot of progress for a week, doesn't it? For anyone who knew my dad, I think we can all agree that this is more like what he would have wanted. He hated to see anyone upset, so we're trying to hold ourselves together. I went to work yesterday. Everyone kept telling me it was a good idea to get back into the swing of things, and try to get myself out of the funk, and I think they were right. And I found out that my work may be giving me paid time off for the past week, which could end up being a lifesaver.

Back to Nancy, people don't realize how hard this has all been for her. Her and my dad had a special bond. He's the only person who has ever made her feel safe on a boat. Instead of having anxiety attacks, she had the time of her life on that thing. They are both happy go lucky people, and sometimes she was the only one who got a kick out of his terrible jokes. She used to love to try and imitate all the crazy little faces he would make without knowing it. I guess I just want people to understand that even though it's not her dad, she loved him. And she lost him, just like the rest of us. This isn't easy for anyone. So give her a break.

But I do want to thank everyone for everything you all have done for me, my mom, and Erin. Something like 350 people came to the funeral. Dad was so modest that we never had any idea that he was that loved by that many people. MetLife had Bucky's BBQ (my dad's favorite place) cater lunch for 600 people the day of the funeral. That has to be a record. And they gave the whole office the rest of the day off. My friends have been right beside me for every step of this huge staircase, and I know that that's right where they're staying. I honestly don't know where we would be without all of you. Thank you.

Well I have some Oreo's and a Japanese Culture textbook with my name on them, so I better get going. Dad wouldn't want my grades going down. Or my weight.