MY WISH LISTS

Since Jen did it first, here are my Christmas lists. I've got two, one for CD's and one for everything else.

Now go and just have a shopping spree. No seriously.

What a perfect name for a lawyer.

Go here and laugh.

I done wrecked it.

Well, yesterday I wrecked the boss's car. Kind of. I'll give you some background to make it nice and exciting.

Doc sends me out sometimes to get rocks or compost or stuff like that for her house. Yesterday I took the 4runner out to get about a ton of mushroom compost (has anyone ever smelled that stuff by the way? I smelled like I took a bath in diarrhea after messing with it). On the way back, I'm just moseying down Wade Hampton Blvd. going like 35 or so, and the trailer starts shaking a little bit, then a little more, and after about a second it was fishtailing like crazy.

I literally started screaming and trying to correct it because the weight of all that compost was dragging the back end of the car with it so I was swinging across the lanes. Then the trailer shot out a little too far to the left, so the car was at a far enough angle that the tires planted and it flipped.

The driver's side was on the ground but the glass didn't break or anything. I sat there for a couple seconds just waiting for whoever was driving behind me to smash into me, but nobody did, so I looked up and there were already a few people gathered around the car screaming at me to see if I was ok. I have no idea how they got there so fast now that I think about it. But I was fine, and I jumped up and out the passenger side door.

Turns out that a tire on the trailer broke its seal and went flat. That's what caused it. In a few minutes there were cop cars and a couple fire trucks and ambulances there, but most of them left when they found out that I was ok and nobody else was involved. I don't know how I managed to turn a car on its side in the middle of Wade Hampton at rush hour and nobody else was near me. Lucked out on that one.

After a while, after everyone had left but me, the cop, and Johnathan the office manager (who got there pretty quickly), the cop basically gave us a lecture about towing way too much weight with a 4runner which can't handle it, and we left.

So that's my "I flipped a car on Wade Hampton" story. Here's a crappy cell phone picture so you know I'm not making it up, like I did with that post about the guy who came in to the office with the knife.

Top 10 Unintentionally Bad Company Websites

Taken from here. Enjoy.

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Tuck the Great

I finally got a chance to take a few pictures of our mac daddy dog. He's an Australian Cattle Dog...people around here call him a Blue Heeler. His name's Tucker and we've been calling him Tuck. We almost named him Walter after the book Walter the Farting Dog because he has a little gas problem.

He's been going everywhere with us, and I'm taking him to work everyday. We were worried he'd eat Tuna (or Tuna would eat him) but they're pretty good together...usually either chase each other around or just ignore each other. His breed needs TONS of exercise so I've been taking him for a run every morning and playing fetch with him in the afternoon. He goes crazy for a tennis ball.

Anyways, due to popular demand, here he is:

Did You Know?

I just found out that the USA PATRIOT act stands for "Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing the Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism." I'm pretty sure that we have a super secret government branch that's top secret mission is creating disgustingly perfect acronyms. Can I get an amen? Thank you.

P.S. We got a dog. He is the man. I'll post pictures when I get some decent ones.

12 Fun things to do at a wedding

1. Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds
2. Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
3. Offer to show people pictures of the bride having an intimate moment with the best man.
4. Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
5. Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a drug rehab clinic.
6. As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
7. When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."
8. Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
9. Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from.
10. Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
11. Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out.
12. Return a bra which the bride left in your car.

How Patrick Does Lunch

Patrick has a sincere love of phones. Almost as good as hot dogs. Nothing's better than a good hot dog.